Sometimes there are movies – or moviemakers – of such infamously awful quality that they become like black holes to Mike and Jay’s light-speed bottom fives and, despite their awe-inspiring intellectual velocity, they cannot escape the immense sucking gravity of such creative drek. Like… wow… these movies and their creators really, REALLY suck.
As this isn’t ‘Nam and there are at least a few rules, Mike and Jay have established, “Filmjitsu’s Hall of Lame” (H.O.L) and in doing so have banned mention of these mind-numbing repeat offenders. Below is a list of where the lads will never boldly go, lest they be stretched into molecular spaghetti by the sheer sucking power of these light-destroying titans of horrible cinema.
Also included? Links to any episodes where these cinematic speed-traps may have been mentioned.
Charles Band
What more can be said about Charles Band, the ultra-low-budget uber-producer behind some of the most notoriously awful films and franchises haunting the psyches of anyone unfortunate enough to have rented more than twenty movies from any video store, ever? From his softcore exploits as the captain of “Surrender Cinema” to his time spent helming flicks about demonic toys (“Puppetmaster”) and bongs (“Evil Bong”), Band has proven time and again that he’s fallen from his halcyon days as the director of the original “Troll.” And for this, we banish him to a cinematic “phantom zone” where his flicks can no longer be wielded as deadly weapons!