Sometimes there are movies – or moviemakers, or characters – of such infamously suspect quality that they become like black holes to Mike and Jay’s light-speed bottom fives and, despite their awe-inspiring intellectual velocity, they cannot escape the immense gravity of such topics. As such, they might start repeating themselves… a lot.
As this isn’t ‘Nam and there are at least a few rules, Mike and Jay have established “Filmjitsu’s Hall of Lame,” and in doing so have banned mention of these repeatedly visited topics. Below is a list of where the lads are no longer allowed to boldly go, lest they be stretched into molecular spaghetti by the sheer drawing power of these light-destroying titans of (usually rotten) cinematic achievement.
Also included? Links to some episodes where these cinematic speed-traps may have been mentioned.
Charles Band
What more can be said about Charles Band, the ultra-low-budget uber-producer behind some of the most notoriously awful films and franchises haunting the psyches of anyone unfortunate enough to have rented more than twenty movies from any video store, ever? From his softcore exploits as the captain of “Surrender Cinema” to his time spent helming flicks about demonic toys (Puppetmaster) and bongs (Evil Bong), Band has proven time and again that he’s fallen from his halcyon days as the director of the original Troll. And for this, we banish him to a cinematic “phantom zone” where his flicks can no longer be wielded as deadly weapons!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
It seemed to both Mike and Jay that the lowest hanging fruit from director Tim Burton’s career is none other than his 2005 debacle of an adaptation, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. As such, it became a constant punching bag for unchecked artistic indulgence and an apparent abundance of “Yes Men” surrounding both the director and his comrade in excess, Johnny Depp. Why Depp chose to basically turn Wonka into an odd variation of Michael Jackson RIGHT AT THE SAME TIME as allegations of inappropriateness with children were coming out against the singer is anyone’s guess, especially when you consider that Wonka is SURROUNDED by children in the film who he, basically, allows to be abused! Bad stuff all around, and a “must-add” to the Hall of Lame roster so the guys don’t talk about how much this all was so ugly and weird every damn show.