Remakes I Like
- Robocop
- Ghostbusters: Answer the Call
- Psycho (don’t hate it)
- Suspiria
- The Thing
Notes about reboots
- I generally do not think they are good, so I steer clear as a rule. So many that people might expect (Charlie’s Angels, Man of Steel) would not make my list.
- Lazy cash grabs.
- Cynicism versus just setting thins aside and enjoying oneself.
Bottom Five
Poltergeist – 2015 – Gil Kenan – Sam Raimi and Bob Tapert (Ghost House) should fucking know better. Kenan did Monster House! Jared Harris as priest. Clown was too scary (no one would have this in their room) Sam Rockwell is this generation’s Bill Pullman, likeable but boring (except in Charlie’s Angels) where he was wonderful and Moon where how boring he is didn’t matter. Mention recent rewatch of original.
Dune – 2021 – Denis Villeneuve – boring, bland and lacking personality, overlong and with no ending! Audacity! Stellan Skaarsgard as Baron Harkonnen versus the late, GREAT Kenneth McMillan who kills it as the villain. Boil Lansing and heart plug pulling. Lynch’s is so gross and filled with mind searing imagery like the navigator vagina-mouths and those cool shields.
Jacob’s Ladder – 2019 – David M Rosenthal. boring, characterless and soulless remake shot in the manner of a 90’s slasher (I know what you did last Jacob’s Ladder.) Originllay broadcast on Dish network(!!!) Swapped out the lead character by adding a brother and completely screwing up the entire original story. I did a scene by scene comparison (subway tunnels) with the original for my son and he was like “it’s surprising just how much better the original was.” Adrian Lynne amazing, sexy visualist – Fatal Attraction, 91/2 Weeks, Indecent Proposal, Lolita. Elevates material. The blurred face thing. Director made the equally boring How it Ends with Theo James and Forrest Whitaker. How do you make FW boring? How do you make the end of the world boring?!
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – 2005 – Tim Burton. What happened to TB?!?! With few exceptions, his 2000-on filmography are painful remakes: the Wahlberg Planet of the Apes, Charlie, Sweeny Todd (adaptation of play), Alice in Wonderland, Dark Shadows, HIs OWN FRANKENWEENIE, and feeling Dumbo. This one was the worst of them. Depp as Michael Jackson. Practical (tactile) vs. CGI, the cloning of the Oompa Loompas – Deep Roy! Who hasn’t aged since Neverending Story twenty years prior!!! Art direction close to source material, but the whole thing just isn’t fun.
It: Chapter II – 2019 – Andy Muschietti – Bill Skaarsgard version of Pennywise is ridiculous – far too scary. Isn’t the clown supposed to attract kids?!? Who would take a balloon from him. 1990 version better but not great, Tim Curry was PERFECT. Tone deaf cold open where two gay men are relentlessly beaten by homophobes with one then killed by IT… yeah, no. I don’t care if it was source material, wrong note stuck in 2019. Bad CG crab Rangoon is not scary. Nothing in it was all that scary, and somehow, despite a comparatively “better” cast assembled in the remake, John Ritter, Richard Thomas, Harry Anderson, Annette O’Toole, Tim Reid, Dennis Christopher and the great Richard Masur
Mentions:
Home Sweet Home Alone
Halloween
My beloved Krull for remake I want.