National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure (2003)
After being fired from his job at a U.S. nuclear lab for being dumber than a Chimp, a despondent cousin Eddie Johsnon tries to get his job back from his boss played by Fred Willard, who I assume the filmmakers had blackmail material on. While groveling, Eddie disses the chimp and ends up being bit in the ass. A doctor – played by Stephen Furst (Flounder from Animal House who honestly looks younger than he should) – confirms that Eddie has healed almost entirely due to all of rte nuclear waste injected into his body, and to avoid a lawsuit, Willard sends Eddie on a company-sponsored Christmas vacation to make up for it. The family, consisting now only of their son “Third” (Clark the third, but they call him “Third”) and Audry Griswold, for whom the Johnson clan had been house-sitting, all head to paradise, randomly joined by Ed Asner as the cartoonishly crotchety Uncle Nick. Upon reaching the island, our hapless heroes are shown around by a ludicrously hot research assistant played by Lee Sung Hi, but before long shenanigans ensue and the whole lot crash while trying to catch a shark.
Once stranded, the film forgets what story it was telling and just starts throwing sketches at the screen. There’s a wild boar attack. Eddie builds a a house out of cocoanuts and palm trees and almost earns respect from his hateful little genius of a kid. And cousin Audry – inexplicably part of this flick and played by Dana Barren, the original Audry from Vacation) falls in love with an Australian pilot. It’s basically Gilligan’s Island rewritten by someone who skimmed the Wikipedia entry for Gilligan’s Island… and Christmas Vacation.
FRANCHISE FAILURE & PURPOSELESSNESS
- Universally regarded as the worst entry in the entire Vacation franchise — even the A.V. Club basically disowns it (Nick Marck directing, Matty Simmons writing).
- Critically agreed to be a sequel in name only; no Griswolds except Dana Barron’s Audrey, whose presence feels contractual rather than story-driven.
- Feels like a cheap NBC TV cash-grab designed to exploit the Christmas Vacation brand rather than extend it (produced by Warner Bros., written by Simmons).
THE SCRIPT: MATTHEW “MATTY” SIMMONS, MAY GOD HAVE MERCY
- Script consistently described as lazy, juvenile, and shockingly unfunny.
- Simmons — the producer of the original films — delivers a screenplay critics routinely call his worst work (his prior writing credit being Baby Huey’s Great Easter Adventure, which reviewers gleefully mention and was somehow directed by Flounder from Animal House, Stephen Furst, who shows up here as a doctor).
- Writing leans heavily on gross-out gags, repetitive slapstick, and humor that punches down (suicidal Audrey, “stupid” Eddie, leering uncles).
COUSIN EDDIE CAN’T BE A MAIN CHARACTER
- Randy Quaid’s Cousin Eddie, once a beloved side buffoon, collapses under the weight of being a lead without Chevy Chase’s Clark to anchor him.
- Eddie’s one-note stupidity becomes exhausting; critics say the movie proves he’s a spice, not a main dish.
- Quaid mugs, pratfalls, and flails through scenes, but with nothing substantial for him to play against.
SUPPORTING CAST WASTED (OR WORSE)
- Ed Asner, as Uncle Nick, relegated to a creepy old-man stereotype — critics repeatedly describe him as “pervy,” “gross,” or “uncomfortable.”
- Eric Idle (as the injured tourist from European Vacation) returns solely to get hurt repeatedly in a lifeless retread gag.
- Dana Barron (Audrey) gets the film’s weirdest tonal disaster: her first line is “I’m gonna kill myself,” played for laughs.
- Miriam Flynn (Catherine) gets zero material beyond reaction shots.
- Jake Thomas (Third) doesn’t even seem, in any way, to be a relative of Eddie’s, never mind his son. Catherine claims proudly he is 100% from her side. I think he’s supposed to represent the audience’s reactiom to Eddie’s idiocy. It doesn’t work. At all
THE SUNG-HI LEE PROBLEM
- Sung-Hi Lee is widely identified as a lone “bright spot,” visually speaking, but critics unanimously hate:
- The paper-thin “island guide” stereotype she’s forced to play.
- The bizarre, uncomfortable ogling from Ed Asnerand Eddie’s adolescent son Third.
- Reviewers call these scenes tone-deaf, creepy, and “downright icky.”
- Stephen Furst shows up here as a doctor who analyzes Eddie after the chimp bites him in the ass. Fred Willard turns up as well as Eddie’s boss who is dodging a lawsuit
INFAMOUS RUNNING GAGS
- The plumbing explosion sequence — universally cited as overlong, over-the-top chaos. (You: uniquely note it actually works because of its sheer lunacy; critics either ignore it or say it wears out its welcome.)
- Dog fart jokes, repeated endlessly — critics say the movie treats canine flatulence as its comedic backbone.
- The shark-fishing seesaw scene — mentioned constantly as an emblem of padding, poor pacing, and zero payoff.
- Uncle Nick groping women and peeping scenes involving Third — repeatedly cited as gross, weird, and unfunny.
TONELESS, HEARTLESS, AND BARELY EVEN CHRISTMAS
- After the first 15 minutes, the movie drops the holiday theme entirely — multiple reviewers think the script wasn’t a Christmas film until late in production.
- Zero of the warm family holiday spirit from the 1989 classic (John Hughes this is not).
- Critics call it mean-spirited, hollow, and “downright unpleasant.”
CHEAP TV LOOK & SHODDY EXECUTION
- Nick Marck’s direction looks like rushed network-TV sitcom framing.
- Critics mock the green-screen effects, inconsistent lighting, and awkward editing.
- Scenes drag well past their comedic expiration date — the timing is universally trashed.
LEGACY: THE BLACK SHEEP OF NATIONAL LAMPOON
- Reviewers often don’t just dislike it — they question why it exists at all.
- Frequently called a film fans “pretend never happened.”
- Not even embraced as a “so bad it’s good” cult object — most describe it as bad-bad, not fun-bad.
- Serves as a symbol of National Lampoon’s brand freefall in the early 2000s.
THE FALL OF NATIONAL LAMPOON (1970s → Late 2000s)
Why the brand that gave us Animal House, Caddyshack, and Vacation ended up producing something like Christmas Vacation 2*
1. Golden Age (1970s–mid ’80s): The Lampoon Was a Comedy Titan
In the ’70s and early ’80s, National Lampoon was:
- A massively influential humor magazine
- A radio powerhouse that spawned SNL talent (Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis)
- A movie brand that created Animal House, Vacation, and Caddyshack
During this era, “National Lampoon” meant something: hip, counterculture, raunchy, several steps ahead of the comedy curve. The brand had a built-in prestige.
Key point: The Lampoon worked because its writers were world-class — Doug Kenney, Harold Ramis, John Hughes, P.J. O’Rourke, Michael O’Donoghue, etc.
2. The First Cracks: The Magazine Collapses (Late ’80s–Early ’90s)
By the time Christmas Vacation (1989) hit big:
- The magazine was dying
- Budgets were shrinking
- Prestige talent was leaving
- Ownership was shifting to businessmen rather than comedians
The creative engine that gave the brand its bite no longer existed.
To keep revenue flowing, the Lampoon increasingly licensed its name.
That’s the beginning of the end.
3. The “Name Licensing Model” Takes Over (Mid ’90s–2000s):
This is the big moment that explains Christmas Vacation 2.
By the mid-1990s, National Lampoon Inc. figured out it could rent out its name to outside producers for a fee — no quality control, no involvement from its legendary writers.
This led to a tidal wave of low-budget, low-effort projects:
- National Lampoon’s Senior Trip
- National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation (not written by Hughes, not creatively connected)
- National Lampoon’s Dorm Daze
- National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers
- National Lampoon’s Adam & Eve
- National Lampoon’s Barely Legal
- Dozens of direct-to-DVD sex comedies
And yes, made-for-TV efforts like Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure.
Important: By this era, if a producer had $50k and a bad script, they could slap the National Lampoon label on it.
The brand became a rubber stamp.
4. Why the Quality Plummeted
The decline came from three forces:
A) No more creative oversight
The Lampoon wasn’t approving scripts, hiring writers, or providing comedy voices. It was literally just selling the logo.
B) The “college sex comedy” market saturated
Companies like Troma, Asylum, and later the American Pie knockoff ecosystem were pumping out cheap raunchy comedies. Lampoon films became indistinguishable from bargain-bin DVD fodder.
C) Loss of cultural relevance
What was edgy in 1978 was out of date by 1998. The Lampoon name went from:
- “This group made Animal House!” to
- “This studio makes trashy sorority movies.”
5. The Early 2000s: Full Freefall Mode
By the time Christmas Vacation 2 was released in 2003:
- National Lampoon had no functioning creative department
- No magazine
- No editorial oversight
- No real brand identity
- Just a licensing corporation eager to keep revenue flowing
It was functionally closer to Asylum Pictures than to the Lampoon that gave us Vacation.
This is why you see:
- Nick Marck (TV director with no film pedigree) at the helm
- Matty Simmons (original producer but not a strong comedy writer) dusted off to write the script
- A production shot cheaply in Hawaii
- No John Hughes, no Ramis, no creative torchbearers
- A tone that feels nothing like the original franchise
In short: Christmas Vacation 2 wasn’t a creative failure — it was a structural one. The brand itself had already fallen apart.
6. Late 2000s: Bankruptcy, Lawsuits, and the Death Rattle
From 2006–2013:
- National Lampoon Inc. was embroiled in multiple fraud and embezzlement scandals
- The CEO (Dan Laikin) was eventually arrested for stock manipulation
- The company repeatedly flirted with bankruptcy
- Film output became increasingly low-budget and peripheral
- The Lampoon name lost all cultural currency
By 2010, the brand was effectively dead in audience consciousness, existing only as a name sold to bad film producers.
By the 2010s, most people didn’t realize National Lampoon still existed.
7. Summary of the Brand’s Collapse in One Sentence
The National Lampoon that made iconic comedy died by the mid ’90s; the 2000s Lampoon was just a licensing factory that rubber-stamped its name on the cheapest comedies money could rent.
And Christmas Vacation 2 happened right in the heart of that collapse.
BOTTOM FIVE SPIN-OFFS
(Because “Christmas Vacation 2” isn’t the only shameful branch on a once-proud family tree.)
Before we get into this week’s list, let’s take a moment to honor the true spirit of Christmas: corporate desperation. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure exists because someone, somewhere, believed the world desperately needed a movie in which Eddie Johnson — a man whose finest moment was announcing “shitter’s full” while draining his RV’s septic tank into a sewer — becomes the center of a tropical survival comedy.
But Eddie’s misadventure is far from the only time a studio looked at a beloved hit and said, “We’ll take the brand recognition… and leave everything else behind.” Here are five other spin-offs that prove the law of diminishing returns is more unforgiving than having to scratch Snots’s belly.
5. Ace Ventura Jr.: Pet Detective (2009)
Starring Josh Flitter, Emma Lockhart, and only in archival footage Jim Carrey · Directed by David Mickey Evans
The problem here starts at the DNA level: Ace Ventura is Jim Carrey. Trying to do Ace Ventura without Jim Carrey is like trying to do Rocky without Stallone, except worse, because Carrey’s physicality was the entire point. Instead, Morgan Creek drafted Josh Flitter, a kid best known for playing “the funny chubby friend” in mid-2000s family films (Nancy Drew, The Greatest Game Ever Played), and instructed him to impersonate Carrey’s every tic. It’s possibly the most high-risk child performance since they made Macaulay Culkin shave.
The mom is played by Emma Lockhart, who previously portrayed young Rachel Dawes in Batman Begins — and probably wondered how she went from Christopher Nolan to this. The dad? Played by a Jim Carrey body double. Seriously. Carrey appears only through framed photos and mythic whispers like he’s Bigfoot. Director David Mickey Evans (The Sandlot) tries to compensate with a hyperactive supporting cast of TV actors doing “wacky” voices, but the film’s main function seems to be keeping the IP oxygenated until the next merchandising cycle.
4. Home Alone 3 (1997)
Starring Alex D. Linz, Olek Krupa, Haviland Morris, Scarlett Johansson, and zero Culkins · Written/Produced by John Hughes
The most baffling thing about Home Alone 3 isn’t its existence — it’s who made it. John Hughes, the legendary voice of suburban angst, wrote and produced this scattershot reboot during his late-career “I’ll take the check, thanks” phase. His new lead, Alex D. Linz, had just come off One Fine Day with Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney, proving he could act opposite real movie stars. Unfortunately, here he’s acting opposite a squad of European terrorists including Olek Krupa (who usually plays morally conflicted scientists in prestige pictures) and Haviland Morris, who once danced through Sixteen Candles.
A pre-teen Scarlett Johansson shows up as the annoyed older sister, registering the kind of existential dread only a child who knows she deserves a better script can project. Director Raja Gosnell — editor of Home Alone 1 & 2 — tries to conjure Hughes’ old magic with slapstick, but without Macaulay Culkin or Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern, the result feels less like a film and more like a theme-park stunt show filmed on lunch break.
3. Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)
Starring Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller · Produced by George Lucas · Directed by Jim & Ken Wheat
This remains one of the strangest Star Wars artifacts because of its cast alone. First, you have Wilford Brimley, in full “angrily eating oatmeal on a Sunday morning” mode, playing a hermit who lives on Endor for reasons never explained. Brimley has openly admitted he disliked working on this movie, which only enhances the performance; he stomps through scenes like a man who would rather be fighting insurance fraud (which he later did in commercials).
Meanwhile, Warwick Davis, returning as Wicket, is trying his heroic best to act opposite a traumatized child and a script that keeps killing every new character it introduces. Lucas personally produced this, possibly because he wanted something his young daughter Amanda could enjoy — which is ironic, because her character’s entire family is murdered in the first act.
Supporting villain roles are filled by a rotating cast of TV character actors who seem shocked to find themselves in a Star Wars production. Cinematographer Isidore Mankofsky (who once shot The Muppet Movie) gives the film far more visual elegance than it deserves, creating the bizarre effect of a beautifully photographed children’s massacre.
2. I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
Starring Brooke Nevin, Torrey DeVitto, David Paetkau · Directed by Sylvain White
This is the kind of sequel where the only returning cast member is… the fisherman’s hook. Everyone else has fled. Jennifer Love Hewitt? Gone. Freddie Prinze Jr.? Safely nowhere near this. Even Muse Watson, who played the original Fisherman, is replaced here by a stunt performer because the movie turns the killer into an actual ghost, presumably to cut down on makeup hours.
Instead, we get future CW alums:
- Brooke Nevin (The 4400)
- Torrey DeVitto (Pretty Little Liars, Chicago Med)
- David Paetkau, who would later appear in Final Destination 5, making him a connoisseur of mid-budget death.
Director Sylvain White, who later made the extremely underrated The Losers, was saddled with a micro-budget, a cast hired mostly for their availability during spring break, and a script by Michael D. Weiss (Hostel III) that seems to have been written on a dare. Watching the actors struggle with lines like “The Fisherman’s back… and he knows!” is like watching theater kids forced to rehearse during a fire drill.
1. Jarhead 2: Field of Fire (2014) & Jarhead 3: The Siege (2016)
Starring Josh Kelly, Cole Hauser, Bokeem Woodbine (2) · Scott Adkins, Charlie Weber, Dennis Haysbert (3)
If the original Jarhead was a prestige parable about existential military ennui, its sequels are what happen when Universal 1440 fires up the “action franchise generator” and hits RANDOMIZE. The cast lists alone tell the story:
Jarhead 2:
- Josh Kelly, known mostly for UnREAL and being in excellent shape
- Cole Hauser, years before Yellowstone, doing his gruff-G.I.-for-hire thing
- Bokeem Woodbine, a legitimately fantastic actor who elevates everything, including this DVD bin material
- Stephen Lang, showing up for what must have been a one-day shoot between Avatar fittings
Jarhead 3:
- Scott Adkins, the patron saint of DTV action cinema
- Charlie Weber, fresh off How to Get Away with Murder
- Dennis Haysbert, the Allstate Guy, lending gravitas because his voice alone is a special effect
None of these actors are the problem — in fact, they’re working way above the level of the scripts. But the movies are designed purely to ride the international appeal of uniforms + explosions, with no thematic connection to the Mendes/Gyllenhaal original. It’s like if someone made Manchester by the Sea 2 and turned it into a drone-strike thriller starring Randy Orton.
These films are technically sequels in the same way that an Olive Garden microwave entrée is technically Italian food. THere’s even a fourth one, but I’ve talked too much about these already.