Episode 65: As the Gods Will and Bottom Five Dolls

This week on Filmjitsu, Mike takes on As the Gods Will (2014), Takashi Miike’s candy-colored death-game nightmare where innocent children’s games turn lethally absurd in record time. Equal parts brutal, bizarre, and uncomfortably playful, it’s a film that dares you to keep up as the rules change and the bodies pile up because… reasons? After the main review, the guys unleash their Bottom Five Dolls, spotlighting cinema’s most cursed toys and plastic horrors. From nightmare fuel masquerading as playthings to designs that never should’ve escaped the prop department, this list proves one thing: if it has glassy eyes and a smile, it probably wants to hurt you. Then it’s time for Dueling Double Bills, as the co-hosts weaponize tangentially related films into a pair of competing double features and debate who understood the assignment better. Finally, the cycle of cinematic punishment continues when Mike reveals what fresh hell awaits Jay on the next episode.

Oh! And don’t forget to vote below in the Dueling Double Bills Poll so you can choose what Mike and Jay will have to watch on a future double-feature episode of the show!


Bottom Five Dolls

5. Dad Doll / Button-Eyed Concept – Coraline  (2002)

Directed by Henry Selick and adapted from Neil Gaiman’s novel, Coraline is one of those films that smuggled existential horror into a family-friendly box and never looked back. The Dad doll specifically—mute, smiling, incomplete—is awful, but the real nightmare is the button-eye concept itself.

Buttons erase identity. They replace perception with obedience. They turn people into décor. That’s not a jump scare—that’s a philosophy. The stop-motion craftsmanship is immaculate, which only makes it worse, and Bruno Delbonnel’s cinematography gives the Other World a lacquered, funhouse sheen that feels poisonous. This is a doll not meant to attack you—but to keep you.

The Dad doll scene works because it weaponizes absence. When Coraline finds the Other Father reduced to a stitched approximation of himself, the horror isn’t that he’s threatening—it’s that he’s been emptied out. His button eyes don’t convey menace; they convey compliance. Combined with the wider button-eye motif, the film suggests a fate worse than death: existing forever as a smiling, decorative lie. The doll horror here is existential—identity stripped away and replaced with a permanent, cheerful mask that can never look back at you.


4. Sid’s Mutant Baby Doll – Toy Story  (1995)

Directed by John Lasseter, Pixar’s original Toy Story gave us something no one was prepared for: DIY Cronenberg dolls made out of Fisher-Price trauma. Long before Pixar perfected warmth and reassurance, it accidentally wandered into pure body horror—and never quite returned.

Sid’s mutant toys—especially the baby doll head grafted onto an Erector Set spider body—aren’t villains. They’re survivors. Which somehow makes them worse. They don’t attack. They don’t threaten. They exist, crawling out of the shadows of Sid’s room like proof that innocence can be dismantled and reassembled into something unrecognizable. Designed as a visual gag, they linger like a curse.

What makes the baby doll so disturbing is that it’s never framed as evil—just wrong. A nurturing object repurposed into industrial nightmare fuel. Pixar never pushed imagery this grotesque again, and it’s easy to see why: once you’ve shown a baby doll rebuilt as a metal arachnid, silently skittering across the floor, there’s nowhere left to go. This is accidental horror at its purest—and one of the most indelible, quietly traumatizing images in animated film history.


3. The Commando Elite – Small Soldiers (1998)

Directed by Joe Dante, written by Adam Rifkin, and produced by Steven Spielberg, Small Soldiers is a toy movie that accidentally becomes a satire about militarism, corporate negligence, and the dangers of giving action figures real-world doctrine.

The Commando Elite aren’t haunted—they’re programmed. Loaded with military AI and voiced by actors like Tommy Lee Jones, they’re dolls with ideology. They don’t just want to win; they want to eradicate. And crucially, they’re voiced by veterans of The Dirty Dozen, meaning these dolls didn’t wake up evil—they woke up with a war movie already in their heads. Dante leans hard into the irony, but the imagery—Barbie limbs repurposed as shrapnel, suburban homes turned into war zones—lands harder than expected. These dolls don’t represent childhood trauma. They manufacture it.

The standout horror moment comes when the Commando Elite begin repurposing household items—turning nail guns, garden tools, and Barbie dolls into weapons. There’s a chilling scene where they interrogate a Gorgonites figure, treating a toy like an enemy combatant. That’s where the film crosses from mischief into something darker: these dolls aren’t misbehaving, they’re conducting warfare. Seeing mass-produced toys apply real-world military logic to a suburban home reframes them entirely. The horror isn’t that they’re alive—it’s that they believe they’re right.


2. May’s Doll, Suzie – May (2002)

Written and directed by Lucky McKee, May gives us perhaps the most emotionally upsetting “doll” on this list—not because it kills, but because it listens. The doll, gifted by May’s unhinged mother, has that glassy, judgmental stare that suggests it’s absorbing everything. It’s not haunted. It’s worse—it’s present.

Angela Bettis’ performance is the secret weapon here, turning the doll into an emotional barometer for loneliness, repression, and rot. By the time May decides to make her own “best friend,” the doll stops being a comfort object and becomes a blueprint. The film has become a cult favorite precisely because it understands that the most terrifying thing a doll can do is witness someone unraveling

One of the film’s most devastating moments comes when May returns home from her first kiss—after she bites Adam, played by Jeremy Sisto—panicked and confused, and immediately blames Suzie, the doll. She doesn’t question the act itself. She treats it like a technical failure. Suzie didn’t teach her how to kiss correctly. That’s the moment the movie breaks your heart and then quietly horrifies you. The doll isn’t a toy—it’s a failed instructor, a surrogate parent, a rulebook for intimacy. When reality doesn’t match what the doll prepared her for, May doesn’t adjust—she escalates.

The most chilling doll moment in May, though, isn’t visual—it’s sonic. During a scene where May leaves an awkward voicemail for Adam, the camera frames Suzie in the foreground. There’s a pause—just a beat too long—and buried in that silence is a barely audible whisper: “Help me.” It’s not emphasized. It’s not subtitled. It’s the first of several subconscious audio drops that leave you wondering whether the doll spoke, whether May imagined it, or whether the film itself is messaging you. It’s so subtle that half the audience misses it—and the half that hears it never quite trusts the movie again. By the time the film reaches its infamous third act, the doll’s fixed stare retroactively becomes terrifying, because you realize it didn’t comfort her—it normalized the idea of replacing people with parts.


1. Zuni Fetish Doll – Trilogy of Terror (1975)

Directed by Dan Curtis, written by Richard Matheson, and forever remembered for its final segment starring Karen Black, this is the angriest six inches in cinema history. The Zuni doll isn’t creepy because it’s mysterious—it’s creepy because it’s purely transactional violence. No tragic backstory. No moral lesson. Just a ceremonial object whose sole purpose is to wake up and choose murder.

What elevates it is the commitment. The doll never pauses, never reassesses, never reflects. And the ending—where Black’s Amelia becomes possessed, baring her teeth in that final freeze-frame—turns a TV anthology into something genuinely primal. It’s not just a killer doll; it’s rage given legs. Also: the word “fetish” alone feels like a curse.

The genius of the Zuni segment is how quickly it abandons suspense and commits to escalation. Once the doll’s chain comes off, it’s relentless motion—scratching, screaming, stabbing, gnawing. The most effective scene is Amelia barricading herself inside the apartment, turning everyday objects into defenses, only to realize none of it matters. The camera stays low, the doll is always moving, and you’re never allowed the relief of thinking, “She’ll get control of this.” It isn’t stalking her—it’s invading her space, culminating in that final possession shot where the true horror isn’t the doll anymore, but what it turns her into.

I’m Mike, so I never need notes or make mistakes! :::raspberry sounds:::